Jaimeebtchfst’s Weblog

I don’t like to share things that are kinda personal in my life but i have no other outlet to say what I’m feeling.

Recently I’ve been in verbal fights with a certain group of people. These fights have been over trivial things, like tweaking plans by a couple of hours, but they’ve gotten blown WAY out of proportion. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a temper when I am provoked and I defend myself when I feel like I’m being attacked, but now the people who I thought knew me best are now all of sudden seem not willing to except the person I am. Or at least that’s what it feels like from my end. Yesterday there was another miscommunication, not a big one and something that didn’t need to be fought about, where I explained that i was at fault, cause I was, because I misunderstood something in a conversation we had. But even though I realized I was wrong and tried to come to a compromise I still couldn’t seem to get any openness from the other end. And now there’s no communication going on even though I completely changed the subject. All the responses I got was one short phrase made up of three words, two of which are curse words, that I don’t understand and I don’t even know if it has anything to do with what we were talking about.

How do I tell the people I thought would be the most understanding how I truly feel? How do I tell them that such little things don’t need to be fought over? I know that feed the fire but once again it’s just in my personality to respond to something that really hurts me. How do I tell them that I’m sorry for the situation but not sorry for anything I’ve said because they will NOT walk all over me? How do I tell them that some of the things they say about really personal things in my life concerning the people I care about really hurt and that they shouldn’t be concerning themselves with it all that much? And how do I tell these women who always claim to be upfront, but recently, never explain vague phrases they’re using that they’re are no longer being that upfront?

How do I tell them I’m stuck?

I’m stuck trying to talk to them and maybe work things out but I’m not going to give up myself and what I think in the process. Asking advice from people who maybe know a lot about the situation and are just trying to help but aren’t in it because it feels like I’ve been isolated from the people who I normally go to. Stuck, trying not to piss these people off but trying not to be a complete doormat. Just stuck.

I love these women with all my heart but I’m having such trouble trying to get through. And I feel that speaking on here is the only other way I can try to get through.

To the people addressed in this messege, please don’t take this in an aggressive or mean way ladies.