Jaimeebtchfst’s Weblog

I don’t like to share things that are kinda personal in my life but i have no other outlet to say what I’m feeling.

Recently I’ve been in verbal fights with a certain group of people. These fights have been over trivial things, like tweaking plans by a couple of hours, but they’ve gotten blown WAY out of proportion. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a temper when I am provoked and I defend myself when I feel like I’m being attacked, but now the people who I thought knew me best are now all of sudden seem not willing to except the person I am. Or at least that’s what it feels like from my end. Yesterday there was another miscommunication, not a big one and something that didn’t need to be fought about, where I explained that i was at fault, cause I was, because I misunderstood something in a conversation we had. But even though I realized I was wrong and tried to come to a compromise I still couldn’t seem to get any openness from the other end. And now there’s no communication going on even though I completely changed the subject. All the responses I got was one short phrase made up of three words, two of which are curse words, that I don’t understand and I don’t even know if it has anything to do with what we were talking about.

How do I tell the people I thought would be the most understanding how I truly feel? How do I tell them that such little things don’t need to be fought over? I know that feed the fire but once again it’s just in my personality to respond to something that really hurts me. How do I tell them that I’m sorry for the situation but not sorry for anything I’ve said because they will NOT walk all over me? How do I tell them that some of the things they say about really personal things in my life concerning the people I care about really hurt and that they shouldn’t be concerning themselves with it all that much? And how do I tell these women who always claim to be upfront, but recently, never explain vague phrases they’re using that they’re are no longer being that upfront?

How do I tell them I’m stuck?

I’m stuck trying to talk to them and maybe work things out but I’m not going to give up myself and what I think in the process. Asking advice from people who maybe know a lot about the situation and are just trying to help but aren’t in it because it feels like I’ve been isolated from the people who I normally go to. Stuck, trying not to piss these people off but trying not to be a complete doormat. Just stuck.

I love these women with all my heart but I’m having such trouble trying to get through. And I feel that speaking on here is the only other way I can try to get through.

To the people addressed in this messege, please don’t take this in an aggressive or mean way ladies.

Ok guys, short blog this week. There are two songs currently that i seem to have an extensive draw to. I can’t explain why especially because music surrounds my entire life, but ever since i heard these songs, no matter how many times i listen to them, they never get old to me. So I’m posting a video for one and the name and singer of the other(so you can check it out on itunes cause i couldn’t find a video for it) to share this draw with you. Enjoy:)

Colors~ Will.I.Am 

The Parting Glass~ The Wailin Jennys                                                                                                                      

Ok…. here’s the thing. I don’t write for creative purposes. I don’t really know how. I’m not poetic by any means but i am straight forword in what i think. So bear with me because posts to come are guaranteed to be random and not very smooth, but that’s just me:). In bitch fest we tend to think like men part of the time. I have no clue if it will come out in this but… anyone, including guys, don’t hesitate to ask me anything. Well… this has been my first blog EVER and enjoy the stream of consciousness that is sure to come in the next one:)